374.24-27

The forgein offils is on the shove to lay you out dossier. Darby's in the yard, planning it on you, plot and edgings, the whispering peeler after cooks wearing an illformation.

Be especially alert for spies, agents both foreign and domestic, informers, narcs, stoolpigeons, sleuths, private investigators, and the actor who played Giles from Buffy the Vampire Slayer, but only if he betrays a thin American accent. (Alternatively, if you go to the gym and have to use a spotter for weight-lifting, make absolutely sure it is someone you have never seen before, preferably someone who is wearing cinnamon board shorts embroidered with a gamboge logo depicting a cautious jockey astride a grizzly bear.) Necessary components of your vigilance should include keeping a stiff, clammy hand on any briefcases, journals, or magazine stacks, and changing your tie every twenty-five minutes or so.

Today is your day for fisticuffs. Roll up your sleeves, skip into a fast bob-and-weave, and give your mother-in-law whatfor. With her bank account the way it is, she shouldn't be betting on the squared circle anyway.

Expect your garden to bear a prodigious crop. Since winter reigns, I assume you are cultivating an ice garden. While the minerals and nutrients in frost-vegetables are somewhat vitiated compared to "heat-vegetables," the significantly lower pest rates are enough to recommend the enterprise. It goes without saying that any snowforts you build will be nigh unassailable as long as you expend sufficient energies on tactics and logistics. Whistle or hum one of your favorite pop tunes while strategizing; Goethe's observation regarding architecture will never be of more use.

Satisfy your cravings for uncommon or exotic food items as long as there is at least one goat in sight. Goat bodyparts or memorabilia (hunting rifles, goat-butter churns, mixed doubles tennis trophies) are acceptable as long as you maintain eye contact with said object for the duration of your mastication and digestion.

625.19-21

Why, them's the muchrooms, come up during the night. Look, agres of roofs in parshes. Dom on dam, dim in dym.

Labyrinths will feature prominently in your day; their appearance can be turned to your advantage through assiduously replicating yourself. (For instance, call up many of your friends and tell each one to meet you at a different location around town; make sure the meetings are scheduled for the same time. Show up for all of them. Post pictures of yourself on facebook doing fantastical things, like riding a robotic alligator or interrogating a Manichaean. Emerge simultaneously from a number of doors in one moderately long corridor, preferably while being chased by a man in the front half of a zebra costume. In various flowerpots, bury any recent fingernail clippings that you may have managed to retain; fertilize the soil with a teaspoon of lemon juice and six ounces of crushed monkshood. Et cetera.) If you see any dirty old men astride canals, waterways, or even a leaky toilet, you will have to turn your fog lights on for the rest of the day; if you don't own a car, purchase a pocket flashlight and lash it to a baseball cap. The flashlight does not need to be switched on. If you have been biding your time, now is the moment to make that land investment you've had your eye on. While signing the papers, keep repeating to yourself: "revenge is a dish best served cold."

Obviously, any mushrooms you eat today will either have gone bad or be of the poisonous variety. That being said, trust your drug dealer with your life.